The trolls are coming 😈

You can draw boundaries.
You can take steps to stay sane.
But what if you just want to let rip?

Here's how to handle the Christmas fertility trolls (with no filter). i.e. our favourite rebuttals for those all-too-familar comments. 

The Elder Relative Troll 👵

The grandmas: "Isn’t it about time we heard the patter of tiny feet?"

You: “Well actually, I realised I’ve been doing it wrong all these years. Who knew dry humping doesn’t get you pregnant?!” 

The 'Concerned' Troll 🤡

The ask without asking one: "Are you sure you should have another G&T, darling? Shouldn’t you be, you know, laying off the sauce?”

You: "This sauce is my secret to sanity. If I lose it,  my health will be the least of your worries." 

The ‘It’s Actually All About Me’ Troll 💅

The self-centered one: "Sigh. I guess I should just clear out your old baby toys from the attic.”

You: “Ooh you’re right, the attic would be perfect for a man cave! I’ll research beer fridges.” 

The Chipper Troll 🕺

The old acquaintance: "Did you know that so-and-so is pregnant again?"

You: "Did you know that swamp wallabies have two uteruses, so they can get pregnant with a second baby before even popping out the first one?”

The Overfamiliar Troll 👥

Them: “Oi oi, when are you two going to get a move on?”

You: "I’m not having kids any time soon. So, how often are you and your wife [insert air quotes] ‘getting a move on’?"

The Helpful-Suggestion-Disguised-As-Casual-Chat Troll 🧑‍🏫

Them: “I hear you can freeze your eggs these days…”

You: “I hear you can air fryer eggs too...8 minutes at 135 degrees. Surprisingly delicious.”

Happy holidays from all of us here at Béa! We know the trolling (sometimes) comes from a good place, but still, it can’t end soon enough!