Manning our Customer Support inbox, we've noticed something: the most frustrated complaints we get are always written by the male partner. Our worst reviews are left by men, sometimes whilst their female partner is talking to our care team and giving us positive feedback in private.Â
While our CEO, Tess, was musing over this one morning her partner, (whose blunt feedback is as lethal as it is brilliant) interrupted with, âTess, you donât get it. Men are sidelined in this journey. They donât really have a role, their one role (producing sperm) is frankly objectifying, and so when they finally find something they can do (e.g., write a complaint to BĂ©a), they turn up the volume to 10/10 because it feels so good to finally be able to do something.â He then adds, âThe BĂ©a Applicator is large and phallic, and you are very âpower to the vaginasâ, neither of which help.â
Heâs right. Men are sidelined in this journey, and their female partners who can often feel so alone. Hereâs whatâs weird about this sidelining â men get new sperm every 74 days, and lifestyle changes have a significant impact on sperm health and male fertility, over and above the impact of lifestyle changes on egg health. If anything, the changes men can make are even more important, and yet we perceive them not to be because the medical interventions in fertility are so heavily oriented towards the female side.Â
For those conceiving in a heterosexual couple, getting pregnant is a team sport. This email will barely scratch the surface of what men can do to be more involved and is the beginning of our work in this, so please forgive the lack of depth. Weâre working on it. For nowâŠÂ
- Get a sperm test every 10-12 weeks. Hereâs information on how to read the results đ Sperm Testing. Keep testing regularly as you make lifestyle changes because giving up cycling for a while really does help (apologies to the MAMILs here).Â
- Get on the sperm education train. Get informed on male infertility so you can know more about how to get involved. Or just go to our Male Infertility resource hub đ All about sperm
- Do the research for both of you. One thing we hear from our female users is that being TTC feels like a full time job, with a significant mental overload. Itâs exhausting, and is the one area you can really make a difference. Thereâs a lot of noise out there, sifting through it is hard work (we know, we did it for you and collated the best evidence-based information đ here).
- If you do decide the BĂ©a Treatment is right for you, use it together. We hear incredible and positive stories from our users about how theyâve used the treatment as a pair, how the male partner did the insertion part of the treatment and how that helped them feel actively involved. My favourite was a woman whose husband does a Digestive biscuit run for what I like to call âCervical Cap Snacksâ â the snacks we hear users enjoy whilst theyâre chilling with the cervical cap in placeâŠÂ
- Finally, talk to someone. Talk to us, talk to your partner, talk to a friend. This journey is lonely, feeling on the sidelines makes it lonelier for everyone. Shame, guilt, fear, exhaustion â these are all emotions that are so unique to you, and so universally experienced by all men as they travel complex paths to parenthood. If you need to talk, email us. I speak to would-be users all the time and itâs the best part of my job and I love it â hit reply and ask to chat, I will always call you back.Â
This is a shallow list, and we know it. Weâll get better, and weâll keep in touch on this as we find more and more ways for the incredible men on this journey.
Share:
WTF is an Ozempic baby? Lifting the lid on the new social hashtag
Why is it SO BIG? The BĂ©a Applicator explained