'Tis the season for boundaries | How to survive the Christmas period when you're TTC

Hello everyone,

Happy Friday! It’s been one heck of a week, and as we race into the holiday period I wanted to share some ideas and strategies for looking after yourself over the holidays. It’s not an easy time of year if you’re trying to conceive, and that's ok. Have a skim of the below, take what serves you, and get in touch if you need any support – we're all here to help.

People are reading into me + alcohol… 🔮🍷

It's wild how people love jumping to conclusions, and not drinking can be misinterpreted as “they’re pregnant!”, which is not ideal. Whether you’re downing martinis like they’re going out of fashion or sticking to water, remember that what they think doesn't matter. You can either fend it off (”Yes mother I will have wine, thank you and no further comment”) or ignore it entirely. They’re just being nosy.

Wait, does alcohol impact fertility and should I stay off it? 🍸

Honestly? You do you. This is such a gnarly issue with so many judgemental people weighing in, and in reality the data is just not strong enough to make a case for giving up alcohol entirely when TTC. Not even NICE and NHS agree on this one, their websites say different things. When it comes to TTC and alcohol, the age-old, not exciting advice applies: everything in moderation. Except for judgement. None of that please. You’re doing just fine, we promise.

If another friend does a Holiday Pregnancy announcement I’m going to… 😡😭🤯

Yep, I hear you. Fertility envy (jealousy when someone else announces a pregnancy) is a very real, normal thing. We all get it, it’s totally ok. Try this: 1) take deep breath, 2) remind yourself it’s ok to be jealous, don’t judge yourself for reacting negatively, 3) have someone you can call or talk to in that moment to help ground yourself, 4) think in advance how you want to respond to the announcement - if they’re a dear friend, they’ll understand your need for time and space, 5) prioritise you. This is your journey too, you get to decide how you want to respond.

Draw a clear boundary 🤺

Boundaries are in vogue (and a bit misunderstood, IMO... more on that later). A boundary is kindly, firmly and clearly telling someone the behaviours you are and are not willing to accept. Here are a few you can try: “I would appreciate it if we can leave the topic of me having kids off the table, let’s focus on enjoying these few days together.” or “I’m aware that some people my age have kids already. I have my reasons for taking my time, and I’m afraid it’s not open to discussion.”

Whatever happens, look after yourself. It’s a tough time of year, and if we can be helpful, you know where we are.

Take care,
Tess
Co-founder and CEO, Béa